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So, my fears were realized.  It has happened.  I have become totally addicted to Harry Potter.  I finished the movies and have been reading the books, one after another.  I bought the sixth and seventh books Friday night and by Sunday afternoon I had finished the sixth and started on the seventh.

I still maintain my position that JK Rowling isn't a particularly good writer, per se.  But I will say this.  Her character development is damn good, and she certainly is able to pack in a whoooooole lot of material into each book.  In my stories I always struggle to have things, you know, happen.  She has no such issue.

I think I like I like the sixth book the best so far.  It has the most mature voice, the most humor, and well....BECAUSE I'M A BIG SOFTIE.

What do I mean by this?  I'm a sucker for a romance.  Completely and totally a sucker for them.  I get completely carried away.  And the sixth book has lots of romance.  Let me put it this way.  After I finished the sixth book I immediately looked up Ginny Weasley on the internet, and then rushed to read the epilogue of the last book before even starting it because if Harry didn't end up back with Ginny there was going to be an investigation.  I was positively glowing after reading the part where they got together.  It's all I thought about.

I'm going to cite a passage from the seventh book.  This is Ginny giving Harry his 17th birthday present, filled with wonderful tension as Harry has broken off their relationship in order to protect Ginny from becoming a target.

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"Harry, will you come up here a moment?"
    It was Ginny.  Ron came to an abrupt halt, but Hermione took him by the elbow and tugged him on up the stairs.  Feeling nervous, Harry followed Ginny into her room.
    He had never been inside it before.  It was small, but bright.  There was a large poster of the Wizarding band the Weird Sisters on one wall, and a picture of Gwenog Jones, Captain of the all-witch Quidditch team the Holyhead Harpies, on the other.  A desk stood facing the open window, which looked out over the orchard where he and Ginny had once played a two-a-side Quidditch with Ron and Hermione, and which now housed a large, pearly white marquee.  The golden flag on top was level with Ginny's window.
    Ginny looked up into Harry's face, took a deep breath, and said, "Happy seventheenth."
    "Yeah...thanks."
    She was looking at him steadily; he, however, found it difficult to look back at her; it was like gazing into a brilliant light.
    "Nice view," he said feebly, point toward the window.
    She ignored this.  He could not blame her.
    "I couldn't think what to get you," she said.
    "You didn't have to get me anything."
    She disregarded this too.
    "I didn't know what would be useful.  Nothing too big, because you wouldn't be able to take it with you."
    He chanced a glance at her.  She was not tearful; that was one of the many wonderful things about Ginny, she was rarely weepy.  He had sometimes thought that having six brothers must have toughened her up.
    She took a step closer to him.
    "So then I thought, I'd like you to have something to remember me by, you know, if you meet some veela when you're off doing whatever you're doing."
    "I think dating opportunities are going to be pretty thin on the ground, to be honest."
    "There's the silver lining I've been looking for," she whispered, and then she was kissing him as she had never kissed him before, and Harry was kissing her back, and it was blissful oblivion, better than firewhisky; she was the only real thing in the world, Ginny, the feel of her, one hand at her back and one in her long, sweet-smelling hair -

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"There's the silver lining I've been looking for."  GodDAMN what a line.  That section, I reread it over and over and over last night before I went to bed.  I spoke it outloud several times.  I LOVE that part.

So yeah, I'm a huge softie.  Completely overcome by romance.  The sad aftermath of that all is that I feel particularly lonely.  Is a little love too much to ask?  Bah.

In other news, my new laptop FINALLY came today.  Nearly two months after I ordered it.  I'm never buying Lenovo again, they suck ass.  But I held out because this is the only tablet with an integrated fingerprint reader I've found (the fingerprint reader is total sex).  So hopefully I'll be able to get back to working on the Pebbleman in off moments at work again.  Additionaly, while Vista isn't as utterly horrid as I thought, it's still terrible.  Do not care for it.

Also, I've migrated all my posts over to Blogger (google enabled some spam protection, I was posting on that one quite a bit, as you well may imagine).  I think I'll officially move over there permanently on the first of December so that the 4 billion posts in November don't make the page as long as your arm.

I realized after the fact that during all the fun of TacoCon I forgot to show those interested parties the notes for my novel.  For this, I blame everyone and thing but myself.  Obviously I am not culpable.

Also, I am sending out googledoc invites for my Pebbleman short story to interested parties.  I have completely stalled on writing it, for which I blame my lack of computer at work where I did a lot of writing in my off moments.  So I am sending out invites for two purposes.  1. it is the best thing I've ever written so I want people to see it.  2. I need people who's opinion I respect to tell me that it's awesome and if I don't finish it it will be a travesty against nature.  You all know I'm not one to toot my own horn....but this story is pretty damn good.

"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."
 - Caddyshack

So, I'm going to see the Dalai Lama tomorrow.  Well, it's not like we're having beers or anything, but he's giving a "public talk".  And by "public talk" I mean I only had to spend $25 for a ticket instead of $250 to get into one of his private classes.

I am of two minds about this.  For one, I read one of his books, the Way to Freedom, and I find it surprisingly as close-minded as any other work by a religious leader.  It was filled with lots of "this is the way it must be in this situation and I will brook no argument."  On the other, it's the Lama, and how often am I going to get to see the Lama.  And his main message is that of peace, which I can fully support.  The title of the talk is "Compassion: the Road to Peace" or something like that.  I am all for peace.

I am kind of hoping there is a question and answer session.  I'm am taking suggestions for a question.  I currently have two ideas.

1.  How far have you ever taken one off the tee?
2.  Can I rub your head for luck?

Also, tonight I'm going to Best Buy and if there is a Wii there I am buying it.  I am a weak, weak man.  And a friend of mine wants me to play co-op Force Commander when it comes out.  That is going to be the shit.

10 thoughts from TacoCon!

1.  I would say that Blue is 10 times cooler in person but that just wouldn't be true.  Blue's coolness factor, in fact, goes to 11.  She goes to 11.  I am simply not worthy.

2.  Blue's husband must love Blue very, very, very......very much.  He too, is more awesome than we can handle.

3.  Larriken, in addition to totally looking like a professor I knew in graduate school, is a cool dude DESPITE THE FRICKEN PUNS.  You punny maniac.

4.  Taco and Coyote are terrible....terrible influences on me.  I am a shy, quiet, reserved person, damnit!  But Taco hands me his phone with his gay coworker on the other end and what do I say?  "Hello sweetcheeks".  Though I am rather proud of my message to Suyapi, especially the last line.

5.  I believe if I were to calculate the total amount of time I spent doing certain activities, the time spent giggling like a retarded schoolgirl would outnumber the time spent breathing.  I think I sprained something giggling.

6.  That woman, Hilary I think you said her name was?  Hooooooooly fucking moses she was hot.  When I check into my hotel room in the historic Zebulon Regency Hotel for TacoCon '08 I would appreciate her being there in a french maid's outfit and a bottle of baby oil, thanks.

7.  A list of phrases that will be repeated through the coming year that, unless you were there, you will not understand but to those of us present they are absolutely hysterical.
    - Invisible Goat is Invisible
    - Is he a Bears fan?
    - Get some south in your mouth
    - That ain't no Georgia sweet tea
    - Whorecat is cheap
    - Larry would like to talk to you about gun control
    - ZEBULON!  WOOT!
    - Check out that splatter radius
    - You guys got that real funny way of writing shit
    - Change the light bulb
    - You guy are weird

8.  Suyapi, Emu and Noq are all immensely lame for not showing up.  You all do realize we are going to lord the awesome time we had over you for the rest of your lives.

9.  Mitch Hedberg FTW.

10.  I got diarrhea.  Shake your booty, shake your booty.

Now, not everything at TacoCon was awesome.  As I was driving back to my apartment Sunday, I stopped off to get dinner, and right after as I was stopped at a light the woman in the passanger seat in the car in front of me opened the door and vomited onto the pavement.  Ok, not pleasant....but it got worse.  We're on the on-ramp to the highway, I'm still behind this car, and the door opens again and again the woman barfs.  From a moving vehicle.  In front of me.  Large pale chunks of an unidentifiable material bounced off the pavement and hit my car.  Their car swurved to the shoulder and I went home.  Needless to say, my dinner got quite cold before I could approach it.

Lastly, I didn't realize how much everyone hated Blogdrive.  I will begin the process of migrating my posts over to my blogger account.  It'll take some time, but eventually I'll be over there permanently.  Until then, stay tuned to this Bat-channel.

Now...Taco...where's my nun pic?!  I know you'll be looking at the porn cause it's going to be a reeeeeeaaaaal long time before your wife touches you again.

I've created a new euphamism.  It is as follows:

"You can put a tuxedo on a monkey but he won't play Moon River"

I have no idea what it means, but I am dead certain that some time in my life I will encounter the perfect situation to use this euphamism.  And when that happens, I will be ready.

Not only is the song longingly haunting, but it has probably the best name of any song ever.  Who cares it's from a mostly gospel artist, the song kicks ass.

"When Leadbelly Walked the River Like Christ" by William Lee Ellis

Today is an emo day.  Feeling lonely today.  Feeling...isolated.

Ah well.  So it goes.  So it goes.  So it goes.

So, in the past week or so I have once again done something I swore I would never do.  This is becoming a habit.  First, I swore I'd never start drinking coffee.  Then I went to a conference in New Orleans and, well, let's just say that the Starbucks at the convention center saved my butt a couple of times.  Then I swore I'd never take my warrior PvP'ing in WoW.  But lo and behold a month or so ago I got a Gorehowl, speced MS and went pwning horde.  And you know what?  I liked it.  It was the only character I have ever PvP'd with that I actually stood a fighting chance against most people I was going against (except warlocks, fuck them).

What is it this time?

I'm...I'm a little ashamed to admit.

I've....

I've........

I've been Harry Pottered!

*breaks down in tears*

If you scroll back a few pages in this very blog you will see a very adamant (and if I may so, cleverly written) vitriolic rant against all things Harry Potter.  It's one of my favorite of my own posts!  I swore I was never going to have anything to do with this Harry Potter fellow.  I had settled with the fact that I would eventually because my girlfriend at the time threatened to withhold sex until I saw the movies, but once we broke up I was free of that circumstance!

There they were...at the top of my Netflix list.  And I had been curious.  I figured I could just try one, see what it was like.  Just one little movie.  One little, tiny, insignificant, innocent little movie...

Now, the main reason I wanted to avoid Harry Potter like the plague was so that I could maintain my unreasonable elitist attitude towards the franchise.  I still think the violent reaction that people gave me when I started bagging on it was utterly hysterical, and the level of fanaticism Harry Potter inspires in its devotees is more akin to that of a cult, which disturbs me greatly.  I have, in the past, maintained elitist attitudes towards many things.  I am elitist, I make no bones about this.  If something is "popular", it's usually a strike against it.  I am unapologetic about this.  It's a quirk of mine I've come to live with, and of all the sins a person is heir to, I consider it a lesser one.

Unsurprisingly, most of my elitist positions often fall into the category of:  I don't want to watch that popular movie because I will probably like it and I want to go on hating it.  However, in the past, I have abandoned the position to experience such movies.  My response falls into two different lines.  Either A) I do watch the movie and do end up loving it (see: Shane), or, more rarely, B) I do watch the movie and do end up hating it (see: Moulin Rouge, lousy bastards  OOOO OOOO IT'S A MUSICAL, THAT'S SO OUT OF ORDINARY EXCEPT I'VE BEEN WATCHING MUSICALS MY ENTIRE LIFE SO BITE ME).  Ahem.  Anyways.

So, I watched the first Harry Potter movie (and like a drug, it begins).  And I enjoyed it.  And then I watched the next two.  I actually was looking forward to not playing WoW for a couple nights so I could chill and watch these movies.   And now I'm waiting for the next one to arrive...and the next one to come out on DVD...and I'm probably going to buy the DVD's and then buy the books so I can read all the stuff that didn't make it into the movies AND OH GOD HELP ME SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME OR SHOOT ME TO PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY LIKE I'M OLD YELLER.

Do I think it's the next best thing to Jesus on sliced bread?  Lord no.  But it's entertaining, engrossing, well-crafted and at some places surprisingly deep.

Barring a complete and total in depth discussion which frankly would make me sound more like a fan than I am, I will say one positive thing about the movies and one negative thing.

Positive:  they actually remind me of old movies from the 40's in a way.  You see, unlike most huge blockbuster series of films nowindays, there isn't a huge story arc progressing through all the films.  I mean, there is to a certain degree, i.e. Voldemort and Harry's parents.  But this isn't Lord of the Rings, this isn't Star Wars.  Each movie is sort of "what crazy situation does Harry and his cohorts get into at school this year?"  This is very similar to old movies with reoccuring characters.  For example, all the Thin Man movies.  There wasn't a huge story arc, it was just "what kooky mystery does Nick and Nora Charles get into this time."  I really like this format.  Though it's hard to say why.  I guess it's because with a huge story arc you are always tryiing to keep bunches of story lines straight over long periods of time, whereas with this other style you can enjoy each film as an independent entity.  Plus, it bucks the trend of modern movie series for something a little more classic, which totally works for me.

Negative:  there are a number of times when a plot point is revealed, and then in the very next scene that plot point is explained in detail...to death.  For example (OMG SPOILER): in the Prisoner of Zenda....er, I mean Azkaban, when Harry does the spell to drive the Dementors away from his other self.  He had been going on for some time that he thought it was his father that did it, but then when we see him do it we realize that it was himself from the future (ok, none of this probably makes any sense unless you've seen the movie).  It's blatantly obvious what has happened.  And yet in the very next scene Harry and Hermione are riding on the hippogryph and he explicitly explains that it wasn't his father he saw, it was himself from the future.  NO SHIT SHERLOCK.  It's like someone tells a joke and then immediately gives a 1000 word explanation on the punchline.  It annoys the ever loving shit out of me.

So there, I admit my terrible secret.  I've been Harry Pottered.  And I'm terrified that I'm going to turn into one of the raving lunatics slobbering over the franchise.  I don't wanna be.  I learned from Star Wars.  I learned the hard way.

Please forgive me.

So I had my first appointment with my new doctor yesterday.  She looks...young.  Like, younger than me.  But she handled herself very professionally so it was all good.  Poor woman, she had to inspect my rectum, and frankly, I think she got the worse end of it (budum ching).

Anyways, she's doing the basic checkup, listening to me breathe, asking me questions, etc.  She asks, "ever feel your heart racing?  Shortness or lack of breath?"  Basically asking if I ever get panic attacks.  My response?  "Not since I graduated."

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.  Try the veal.

If she weren't married to another doctor at that clinic I totally would've pulled out something like "only the first moment I saw you".  Would that have been smoooooove or what?  ANSWER ME.

Edit to add in this link to a very strange and awesome blog.

I've decided that I want to create the most offensive product ever known to man.  I've only got two ideas so far.

Honest Injun Tobacco-flavored Condoms (now with more caffeine!)

The Smiling Jew Gold-plated Dildo

I need more ideas.